You have a “point-of-no-return” break up with your boyfriend. Then you discover you are pregnant. You decide to go it alone. However, you become depressed and reclusive. The only persons you will allow to visit are your family, a couple of close girlfriends and your childhood guy friend.
This guy comes over constantly. He tells you how he always secretly admired you since high school. He convinces you that he can “save your reputation” and be a good father to your child. He gives you the attention you crave and makes you feel wanted. You like this feeling. It uplifts your self-esteem and self-confidence. He proposes marriage. You can’t muster up any passion for him but you “know” him and his family. What do you do?
- Thank him for his proposal and caring but tell him he deserves someone who can truly love him.
- Marry him and adapt to being a passionless dutiful wife.
- Marry him and address your passionate needs with extramarital affairs.
My childhood friend was in this situation, and she chose #3. She confessed to me that at her wedding reception she danced with her married lover from work. She became a serial cheater which was a factor in her divorce.
The rebound relationship has tempted anyone that has been heartbroken. Some of us believe that a new love cures a broken heart and the quicker we find that new love, the better. We want the attention, the excitement, and the exposure of the new relationship. However, there are emotional dangers in this behavior for you and the new partner. You may experience mood swings between elation and depression about the new relationship and losing the old one. Your new partner may come to realize he is your second choice by some of your behaviors and start to feel used.
Here is a list of five behaviors that will indicate you are in a rebound relationship:
- You think about your Ex continuously even when you are with your new partner.
- Your new partner reminds you of your Ex, and this was the initial attraction for you.
- You want to frequent places with your new partner in tow where you may encounter your Ex.
- You just can’t put away those old photos of you with your Ex.
- Your new partner is only a temporary lover, and you don’t bother to include him in your inner circle.
Now as we look at these behaviors I know, as women, none of us want to be on the receiving end. So, we need to be careful and allow ourselves time after a heartbreak, so we don’t perpetuate this type of behaviors on others.
L-O-V-E will cure a broken heart but it is the self-love from within that will succeed.