The hacking of the Ashley Madison website and posting of that information on the internet for all to access raised a question for many married persons – “Is my spouse cheating on me?” When I read about persons searching this information trove I thought about that game we played as adolescents. The game where we pulled the petals of a flower as we recited “He loves me……He loves me not” hoping that it would end on the right choice. I know that persons are hoping that they do not find the name and information of their spouse among the Ashley Madison information. However, if a person does find their spouse’s information, then they will have a hard decision to make about the relational aftermath. Some will be prepared but I think most will not. So, here is my advice.
If you don’t plan to GO, then you DON’T want to know.
Otherwise, you are in for an emotional rollercoaster ride where:
- your trust and belief in your spouse will be destroyed
- your self-confidence will be destroyed because most victimized spouses feel there is something lacking with them that drives their spouse to cheat
- it is possible jealousy will drive you to unreasonable behavior
I have a friend who became aware that his wife was cheating on him. He installed software on her computer that captured all of her chats with her lover. He told me that he would read the chats every day and spend every night watching her as she slept next to him. He could not sleep thinking about her daily betrayals. I was afraid he would snap and hurt her. Eventually, they divorced.
Also, recently in Houston, we had a woman who tracked her husband traveling in the car with his lover. She chased him in her car trying to force him to pull over so she could confront them and ended up having a car accident in which she was killed. Also, the man she hit was seriously injured.
Years ago, an older female co-worker shared her view on cheating to a group of us younger and inexperienced females in the office. Her view was “you can’t miss what you can’t measure” and this was her way of justifying her behavior. The statistics indicate that many share her view. It is estimated that 30 – 60% of married persons in the U.S will cheat at some point in their marriage.
Sometimes we excuse this behavior in men by equating their behavior to a male dog’s instinctive attraction to a female dog in heat. However, with a woman it is different as she is held totally accountable for her behavior and labeled disreputably for her actions. Clearly, this is a double standard.
Whether you are a male or female, we all should accept that to cheat is a personal choice. No one can “take” your spouse from you.
I know it is tempting to peruse through the Ashley Madison’s information but before you do make a plan. Determine your motivation and how you plan to handle the aftermath. Also, if you don’t find your spouse’s name, do you consider that the answer to the implied question?
What are your thoughts about the hacking of the Ashley Madison websites and all the latest revelations in the news/social media?