With the recent news of the violence between the young singers Chris Brown and Rihanna, it is difficult not to add my own comments to this atrocity. I want to clearly state my position on domestic violence – – there is NEVER any valid reason that a man should hit a woman — not even in self-defense. In my opinion, the larger person (in size) has the responsibility to walk away/retreat from the violent incident and, in most cases, that person is the man.
The ABA Commission on Domestic Violence (www.abanet.org/domviol/statistics.html) reports that approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States. This is alarming but not surprising. Also, since domestic violence is not always physical, I would guess that it has touched most families in some manner.
I know from personal experience that it has touched my family. My young aunt, who was only 20 years old, was murdered by her estranged husband on Christmas Day in the presence of their 2 year-old son. He also committed suicide. There was a 5 month-old son who was not present. The sad thing is the husband told my aunt at Thanksgiving that he was going to kill her. She did not believe him.
He was 20 years older and their relationship was frowned upon by our family, which seemed to make them closer in the beginning. But, as my aunt grew into a young woman and more independent, they grew apart and separated. Her husband became disgruntled and obsessive. So, on Christmas Day, while she telephoned for help, he shot her in her beautiful face, walked up to her and shot her in her heart, and then put the gun to his head. It was heartbreaking.
I am sure there were signs from him of this type of behavior before that eventful day and I believe my aunt just excused them or ignored them. I think this was her grave mistake. The loss of her life in this manner has made me hypersensitive to any man that I date. If he is controlling in any manner, his a** is history!
In my life’s journey, I have met a few women who were in the midst of some type of domestic abuse and opened up to me about it. The surprising thing about it was they were very cognizant of the abuse but unwilling to give up the relationship, not even for the sake of their children who were witnessing some of the abuse. I guess this substantiate my other belief…………the man who abuses his wife/woman needs help and the woman who stays and accepts it needs even more help.
Has anyone in your circle of family and friends been touched by domestic violence? If so, please share (but do not give any personal information about the victims).