I think there must be something about me that encourages persons to open up and share their relational concerns. This has happened with men and women but mostly women. When this happens I try to be neutral because I am on the outside looking in so I just turn on my listening ears. I have surmised that the root cause of most of the issues is that some of us are ignoring the signs of relational differences and proceeding on with the idea that the other relational partner will change. You can be sure they are thinking the same thing about you.
There are some things in a relationship that should be negotiable and there are some things that should be non-negotiable. Here are a few things that I think you should consider non-negotiable and closely review before proceeding on in a relationship.
Strong Work Ethic – The Bible says if you don’t work you don’t eat. The psychology of a real man is that he needs something to do and someone to protect. So, girlfriend, he needs to have a blue collar, white collar, entrepreneurial state of mind. You may not need him to bring home ALL of the bacon but he needs to bring home SOME of the bacon.
Walks His Talk - Some of us get mesmerized by all the sweet loving words and promises that are being said to us. You need to make absolute sure that his ACTions are lining up with his words. If he says that you are the world to him, he needs to treat you like you are the world to him.
Humility – He needs to believe in and honor a being/power superior than himself. It is as simple as that.
Honor Thy Mother – Girlfriend, you need to check that relationship with his Momma. If he has a healthy relationship with the women in his family, you can expect that he knows how to have a healthy relationship with you.
Not Funny with the Money - When you start thinking matrimony you need to also remember that most states are community property. So you need to discover if you and your partner are on the same wavelength about money and financial health. If you are not on the same wavelength, my advice – – – RUN…….in the opposite direction as fast as you can.
These are just a few non-negotiable traits I thought of but I am sure you get the gist of it. Hopefully, you can determine a few more for yourself. It is important for you to know what you are looking for in a relationship and not to compromise on those non-negotiable traits.
In reading “Comfort of Fences” by Stacy Overman Morrison, I was drawn to this statement made by matriarch Miss Betsy in a discussion with her daughter-in-law, Ruth. Miss Betsy knew what she wanted in her mate.
“Different girls want different things in marriage,” she continued. “I wanted a man who would be good to me and good for me. Finding that isn’t easy. I seen so many girls get married because the feeling they get, not ‘cause of the sense it makes. Marriage has to make sense, if you want it to work, anyways. Will made sense. He talked to me like I was as important a person as he was. At first that didn’t mean much because I figured he was some poor kid like me. It took a week of talking about me before he talked about himself. That’s when I began to gather who and what he was: a rich kid wishing he could paint instead of wade through cow manure on a South Texas ranch.
We could all learn from Miss Betsy’s example.
How do you feel about having negotiable and non-negotiable traits for a prospective mate?
What do you think about Miss Betsy’s comment?