It’s the first date and it went FABULOUS! He has a body like Adonis, a face like Narcissus and all the gentlemanly manners your mother told you to look for in a man. You’re feeling beautiful, confident, and relaxed when he walks you to your door. You invite him inside for a nightcap. He comes in and you share the first kiss. The situation heats up, it has been more than 6 months since you have been intimate and you realize that you are in the arms of Adonis himself! What should a red-blooded, fully grown woman do?
If you want a serious relationship with him, send him home.
I know that advice sounds antiquated and prudish but believe me when I tell you that he wants you to send him home. He will “try” you (test you) to see what you will do so he can determine your actions when you meet other men. Based on your response, he will decide whether you are a keeper or a temporary fling.
How do I know? I asked a few male friends/co-workers and they told me. Also, I witnessed some incidents with male friends and relatives. Once I was out at a Latin restaurant/dance club with a girlfriend and two male friends. We all were in a salsa dance class together and decided to go out and practice at a “live” club. We had a great time dancing together and watching the other dancers. My girlfriend and I decided to leave so the guys were walking us to the valet booth to wait with us for our car. When we stood up from the table, a very attractive young woman rushed up to one of our male friends and said “I hope you are not leaving now!”
“Sam” (not his real name) was a little taken aback but he told her that he was only walking us to get our car and that he would return. As he walked us out, I asked him did he know her. He told us no that he had never seen her before but he was definitely going back inside to look for her because she was “hot”. We laughed together and departed.
About a week later, I called Sam and asked him what happened that night. He told me the young lady followed him to his home and spent the night. I asked him if he was going to see her again. His answer was an emphatic “No”. I asked him for the reason and he told me that she was too desperate and too “easy” with someone she had just met. Even though he had slept with her he was disappointed that she had responded the way she did.
One of those sayings from the women of yesterday is “Leave something to the man’s imagination”. They believed you should do this in your choice of clothing and in the manner you carried yourself in his company. I think this advice is still valid today.
If you still doubt me, just think of the words of some of the love songs from some of the greatest male singers (who I believe are singing for all men):
In “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye, Marvin says “Giving yourself to me can never be wrong if the love is true.” It doesn’t sound like he just met her.
In “Living for the Love of You” by the Isley Brothers, the very first line says it all “Drifting on a memory, ain’t no place I’d rather be than with you”. You can’t have a memory of a person you just met.
In “Just My Imagination” by the Temptations, they sing about a man who spends all of his time daydreaming about a beautiful life with a woman he sees everyday but who is unaware of his feelings………yet he is longing to “know” her.
So, ladies, if you are being held by Adonis and need to say “No” gracefully, use a statement that I had to think of in the heat of the moment but it came straight from my heart………”When we make love, I want us to really know one another.” If he is a keeper, he will wait patiently and adoringly until you are ready.
So, meanwhile, wait and get it on when the time is truly right!
QUESTION(S):
Do you think my advice is antiquated? If so, explain.
Do you think sex and intimacy are the same?
Do you think intimacy is possible on the first date?
Totally agree! My friends and I discuss this all the time. Sometimes it is hard since we don’t have the same emotional stigma about being “good” or “bad” girls based on having sex before marriage. Now we have to make decisions that are right for us, not right according to some leftover 50s beliefs. Even though we want to “get it on” just as much as the man, we need to hold out if he is long-term relationship material.
Now, that’s not to say you can’t jump right in there if all you are looking for is a way to satisify your need. Make it safe and have fun and don’t expect a phone call the next day! 🙂
You are so right! If you know he’s not a keeper for you, have (safe) fun but keep the outcome in perspective.
I too agree. Men will test you just to see how far we are willing to go. My brother many years ago told me that if you give in then there is little chance that a man will want a long term relationship with you. In my favorite movie “Splendor in the Grass”, the main characters are DeDe and Bud. Well DeDe did not give in to Bud and so Bud’s Father told him to go find an “easy” girl. Well Bud did just that and broke DeDe’s heart. In the end DeDe realized that although she loved Bud, she had to find herself and be true to her. Bud on the other hand never stop loving DeDe and thus never forgave himself for what he did.
So if all we want is safe “fun” then do not expect anything in return. If you want something more then treat yourself with respect.
Sex and intimacy are not the same. You can have intimacy with someone and never have had sex with them. Intimacy on the first date is rare. But if the person does not see you as an object then it may be possible.
I agree with you whole-heartedly! If he’s truely the one for you, he will wait. In these modern days, there is no reason for a woman to go for long periods of time without sexual stimulation, if that is what she is feeling. Succumbing to the first Adonis/Narcissus that comes your way came be very disappointing. Of course, if that is all you want from him, remember to protect yourself (heart, body and soul).
Sex and intimacy are not the same. Intimacy can be as simple as holding hands or embracing/hugging one another. Depending on the length of time that you’ve known one another before that first date, intimacy is possible.
I tink sex could be possible at the first day, everything depends about the woman family education and mentality behavior.