Sunday started out really great. My girlfriends and I drove to Galveston to share some holiday cheer at Sunday brunch. It was fun. We chatted and laughed while we ate great food with our continuous flow of mimosas. We talked about seeking joy for the season and hugged our “so longs” as we departed back to our lives.
However, one of my friends arrived home to discover that her husband of 30+ years had departed from their marriage. While she laughed and enjoyed a holiday brunch, he packed his clothes, golf clubs and wrote her a one word note that said B-Y-E. He walked away from his commitment with her and did not have the decency to tell her face to face.
It is not easy to know that this has happened to someone you know – your friend. You worry about their emotional well-being. You wonder how you can help. You know that it will be a difficult journey for her until she reaches acceptance.
The old saying that states, “You never know what goes on behind closed doors” is really true. I remember dropping my friend at home from a previous girlfriend brunch this past summer and her husband came out to the car with the umbrella because it was raining. I thought how thoughtful he was towards her. Now, a few months later and 4 days before Christmas, his actions are deviously different.
The real fact is this man is a coward. There is no other way to describe him. Merriam-Webster defines a coward as “one who is too afraid to do what is right or expected.” A wife of 30+ years deserves and expects that her husband will have the respect to look her in the eye to deliver news to her – whether it is good or bad.
I told my friend that she will survive and this may be the best thing that ever happened in her life. She has already survived a serious stroke a few years ago so taking the steps to rid herself of a coward will be like a walk in the park. We, her family and friends, will be here to help her through it.
Plus, I think he will soon discover too late that sage advice from blues singer Johnnie Taylor – Cheaper to Keep Her.
Click here to hear it.
My heart goes out to your friend. Sudden abandonment is horrific. I’ve written extensively about what I call a tsunami divorce: http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2012/06/07/what-is-a-tsunami-divorce/ Thank you for being a friend to her; she needs all the help she can get right now.
All any of us can is show our support. It breaks my heart to hear the pain in her voice. But she is a strong person and I keep reminding her of that. She will get through this. She has realized that she is happier without him.