One of the most endearing things that you can share with a prospective mate is laughter. There is something to be said about a man who makes you laugh. I think humor is a balm for the soul and a person who can find it in ordinary everyday life has a special gift.

The merriment expressed between lovers can be a loving kind of intimacy and a special aphrodisiac. It is something that you work up to through the other relational traits, but it is worth the wait. However, first, you must find a mate who has a sense of humor and is comfortable with himself in showing it to you. Also, assuming you have a sense of humor, it must be compatible with your prospective mate’s to make that intimate match.

One of the key indicators that a person has a sense of humor is if they can laugh at themselves. Take notice that they are not into negative humor where they are laughing at others instead of laughing with others. Avoid anyone who is into sarcastic humor – this is a sign of a bully.

QUESTION(s): Would you consider laughter an aphrodisiac?

 

 

How beautiful must I be for you to remain faithful to me?

There are scores of women scarred by unfaithfulness. Some scars are visible in the expression of negative emotions while others are invisible in the inability to open the heart to another relationship. However, the one common thread I hear in my discussions is that we women tend to carry the responsibility for our mate’s unfaithfulness.

We blame our appearance, our professional careers or lack of one, the way we relate to him, and the attention we give our children. We may not explicitly embrace this as the reason, but we implicitly accept it when we allow him to use it as an excuse. Some of us even compare/compete with the other woman to no avail. Let us all recall Clara Harris who is a brilliant woman that ruined her life by carrying the responsibility of her husband’s unfaithfulness. She morphed to become the woman she thought her husband wanted and he was still unfaithful. If only she had understood that his unfaithfulness wasn’t about her……..it was about him.

So here is an original thought that I want each of you to consider.

Faithfulness is a choice.

It is a choice driven by inner emotions instead of external factors. Before you commit to exclusivity in a relationship, you need to have an explicit discussion with your prospective mate about faithfulness. Don’t let the reciting of marriage vows be the first time that you openly discuss it. You also need to have a defined action in the case that your mate is unfaithful so that you will not suffer the agonies of vacillation.

QUESTION(s)

Do you believe faithfulness is a choice?

There are two approaches to trust. You are trusting until a person proves to be untrustworthy. You are not trusting until a person proves to be trustworthy. In both methods, you are eventually establishing belief in another fallible human being.

When you are in the initial stages of bonding with someone, and before making any commitments, you need to have concrete evidence that the person is safe, reliable, and honest. You should give attention to how the person functions in other aspects of their life regarding these traits. Don’t rely solely on your relational interactions. Take the time to understand the motivation behind their choices.

Trust is a vital ingredient for any relationship, especially a romantic one. I know some persons mostly equate trust with “will he/she cheat on me?” but you should focus on the fact that you will be sharing a part of yourself with this individual and you need to know deep within yourself that you will not be betrayed or violated.

Some of us in our quest to form a relationship skip over the time required to establish adequate trust. I have witnessed this in some of the relationships of my friends, and it has proven to be disastrous.

You want to take all of the time necessary to build sufficient trust with that special someone. However, over the course of your relationship, you also need to continue to monitor if that special someone still deserves your trust.
QUESTION(s)

What is your approach to trust?

When thinking about the next two essential traits, KIND and THOUGHTFUL, I realized that they are synonyms to one another. We have all heard this description – “He is so kind and thoughtful!” – So it made sense to discuss these traits in the same post. The definition of both speaks of having the gentle nature and desire to help others, being considerate of others and bringing happiness to others.

A different statement often made about kindness is that the presence of it in a person is a sign of their weakness. The person that believes that is probably an abuser so be wary when you hear that from someone.

If you are seeking a mate, you want “kind and thoughtful” because that supports “for better and for worse, in sickness and in health” and leads to the caring required for a committed lifelong relationship. It is cool when he brings you flowers, chocolates, gifts on your birthday and other holidays. It is great when he opens all of the doors for you, runs out in the rain to get the car, and physically carries all the heavy items. However, in the case of illness, is he willing/capable of bringing you food, pain medicine, and change your adult diaper, if necessary? These are the real tests of kind and thoughtful.

QUESTION(s): How would you determine if a prospective mate is kind and thoughtful?