GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Show Me the LOVE! – Humility

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Humility, regarding humbleness and deference, is one of the most important traits required to be able to relate to another human being.

Humbleness is the understanding that no one person is better than or lesser than another person and it allows one to have the capacity to love. If you are looking “down” on someone or looking “up” to someone, how can you truly see them and how can you truly know yourself? We tend to value others by external factors and chaos occurs when those elements fade or change. Invest your emotions in someone who values internal growth because that type of growth is usually lasting.

I knew a very confident young woman once who made a mistake in her life which caused depression for her. She lost her confidence and thought of herself as damaged (“less than”). Someone she trusted stepped right in and convinced her that he could “save” her from her plight. However, previously, he had secretly desired her confident self but felt unworthy and rejected. When he saw her depressed state, it was his opportunity to step on her to make himself feel “better than” in the relationship. This behavior was emotional abuse, and it soon turned into physical violence.

Deference is the belief that there is something greater than you and it allows one to be able to give for love. If you value the air you breathe, the sun and moon that lights your way, and your beating heart, then you do realize that there is a supreme being that has given you these things because of love. Seek the person that shares this same deference because they will know how to give those heartfelt intangibles to the relationship.

However, if you meet someone who credits all of his being and accomplishments to his merit, RUN!

QUESTION(s):

There are some who equate humility with weakness – especially in a man.

What do you think?

Show ME the LOVE ! – The Essential Relational Elements

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One of the matters that women tend to share with one another is their relational experiences with their mates.    In my circle of girlfriends and acquaintances, everyone seems to be content, but I must admit there are a couple of friends that warrant my concern.   Usually, I present myself as a sounding board only because I believe that each of us has a unique relational journey and my response to a situation may not be appropriate for another.    We all have our tolerance thresholds and ( since mine is low) I believe we should not impose them on others.

When someone decides to discuss their personal relationship with me I listen to the situation and inquire about the emotional health of my friend in an attempt to encourage her to take care of her health.    However, there have been a few situations where more probing questions were required because my belief system was challenged.    I concluded that some of us are ignoring obvious negative signs and entering into relationships/marriages when we should have sprinted through the nearest exit door away from that relationship.

Therefore, for this month where LOVE is the focus, I want to talk about the elements that should be present in a relationship BEFORE you take it into the commitment arena.    There are essential elements that should be present just because you are human beings and then there are others that develop as you take the appropriate time to relate to one another.       Here is my list:

HUMAN BASICS

Humility
Respect
Kindness
Thoughtfulness

RELATIONAL BASICS

Trust
Faithfulness
Adoration
Passion (Sexuality + Sensuality + Intimacy)
Humor

In my opinion, all of these elements should be present and non-negotiable before you start commingling your resources (time, assets, emotions, etc.).   However, I will confess that I am totally happy living alone and I have been told by some friends that they cannot live alone.    So, if you do compromise and accept a shorter list of these elements, just please don’t fool yourself into thinking he will CHANGE into what you want later because that “shiggity” never happens.

So, over the course of this month, I am going to write my opinion about each one of the elements of my “show me the love” list and, hopefully, it will help others in developing a kinder love relationship.

 

QUESTION(s):

What do you think about my list?    Would you add or delete any element?

 

Love Poem #4 – “Fire-Caught” by Langston Hughes

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heart box

 

 

 

The gold moth did not love him
So, gorgeous, she flew away.
But the gray moth circled the flame
Until the break of day.
And then, with wings like a dead desire,
She fell, fire-caught, into the flame.

 

This poem tells us that sometimes the love we search for comes from an unexpected source.

The journey of the gray moth is moving as she patiently gives all for love.

I really like this one.

QUESTION(S):

Have you ever felt like the gray moth?

 

The Best Things in Life #5 – Good Love

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Even though there have probably been more than a billion words written on the subject of LOVE, I feel compelled to send my words out into the world about it.   After all, it is Valentine’s Day – heart boxthe day for lovers.   Gifts will be given – candy, flowers, chocolate, jewelry, etc. and romantic dinners will be shared.  The retailers will be thrilled as they count their sales.   But, in my opinion, the best gift for Valentine’s Day cost nothing and should be given often – Good Love.

I believe good love is the aspiration of every couple with the pursuit of it bringing excitement to the relationship.    Good love is specific to each couple and should evolve with their personal growth so that the relationship does not grow stagnant.   Some aspects of good love should always seem elusive because the feeling that you have totally acquired it is the first step in taking it for granted.

And, with LOVE you should never take anything for granted.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

QUESTIONS:

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

What do you think about “good love”?