You have an all-expenses-paid business trip for one week in beautiful San Francisco. You decide to splurge and treat your Boo with an airline ticket to fly out and join you. He adjusts his schedule and joins you. It starts out wonderfully. By mid-week, you decide to skip out on the afternoon conference sessions for some shopping. You swing by the hotel to grab your Boo, but he tells you to go on without him because he wants to relax and continue to watch ESPN. What do you do?
- Give him a peck on the cheek as you head out shopping hopefully with his credit card in your purse.
- Take off your pantyhose and watch ESPN with him.
- Throw a tantrum, throw him out of the hotel room, and inform him to find his way home since you bought his airline ticket.
I know someone who was in the drama of #3. True story.
Let’s be honest. Some of us would rather dictate to than relate to another person. We have a fantasy in our mind about the relationship, and the other person is just a character in that fiction.
The attitude is “this is my world – Queendom –, and you’re just in it.”
Some of you may find a man that will agree with you – probably for his personal reasons. However, most of you will find someone who will eventually say “to hell with you” and go on his merry way. As they say, even the most faithful dog will leave if you kick him long enough. Then your relation-breaking cycle starts all over again.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being in your Queendom as long as you’re okay with it. Being alone and having an occasional visitor is comfortable for some. But, if you want a long-term, lasting relationship you got to let down the drawbridge and relate.
Now for those who may have difficulty identifying controlling behaviors within, here are a few signs to look for within yourself.
- You are impossible to please and can’t avoid complaining. You can find fault with “manna from heaven.”
- Without your input, nothing is done right.
- You are not interested in another’s point of view.
- You cannot tolerate criticism.
- You find flaws in the independent decisions of others and don’t mind telling them about it.
- You are envious of those who are smarter than you or can perform better than you.
- You are reluctant to trust the judgment and capabilities of others.
Controlling behavior will murder any relationship especially a romantic one. The most important thing each of us as human beings – women – should accept is the only person you can really control is Y-O-U.