I wish I could say that I was savvy and cool from birth and it was inherent within me to know and understand the value of ME time. But the reality is I was the same as all other women “who do too much” – – – always putting myself last. This was what I saw all the familial women do in my life and it was just natural to continue on with the same behavior.
My “skirt was pulled” in an unexpected manner and at a low period in my life journey. I had lost my father in a car accident and my teenager was rebelling, so we started family counseling. In one of the sessions, the therapist asked me to list the things I did each week. So, I told her. She then asked me to repeat it. I repeated it. Then she leaned forward from her chair and looked me straight in my eyes and said “Mother, get a life”. She told me nothing on my list was anything that I did for myself. It was all about my son or others. She then asked me about my personal relationship and I told her about the man I had been dating for umpteen years. She told me to get rid of him.
I was mad. No, really, I was infuriated. How dare she talk to me like that? I called my best girlfriend and started the conversation with “Can you believe……” But, a few nights later, in that midnight hour when you can’t lie to yourself, I faced the truth – I had absolutely no life. I got out of bed that next morning, looked in the mirror and I had a moment like the evil Queen in Snow White. I looked myself in the eyes and I asked “Mirror, mirror on the wall – Who am I?” The mirror had no answer for me.
This was the beginning of my looking within myself and experiencing ME time. On that day, I sat down and made a list of all of the things I loved and dreamed about before the realities of life grabbed me. I started with one item on that list and it was a catalyst for all of the adventures that have enhanced my life journey to this point. I have evolved into many women since the day I spoke to my mirror and each one has pushed me to become the next one in the evolution. And, yes, one of them DID end that “nowhere” relationship.
Of course, my best girlfriend wasn’t going to let me start that list alone. She joined me in attending theatrical events in our area. Soon, other girlfriends joined us and we added a monthly Sunday Brunch to the mix. We have also traveled together over the years and had some wonderful adventures. This was the birth of our “girlfriend gatherings”. Over the years, all of the girlfriends have learned the value of ME time.
Just in case you have not determined my definition of the acronym ME – it is My Evolution.
Questions:
Do you spend any ME time with yourself?
If so, in what manner?
What importance do you give it in your life?
How have you evolved?
Well, unfortunately for me “ME” time is a thing of the past. Parenting a pre-teen girl has changed my life in many ways. I sometimes am ambivalent of how I feel about this. I’m not sure whether or not it is voluntary parenting an adolescent girl, but nonetheless it is definitely changed.
I like my solitude and enjoy much of it. Frankly I always have but in the past did not have the luxury of alone time as I do now. Over the past several years I have developed a relationship with horses and it is the most fulfilling thing in my life. I can spend all my time with them, just in their presence and never get tired of it. I only wish I had discovered this passion earlier in life. Even still, it is the one thing that I will allow no one to disrupt. Talking to them, observing them, grooming or riding I feel complete and I no longer feel that life is passing me by.
I am not sure that I have “ME” time prioritized, but I do do much of what I truly want to, I believe. I too used to enjoy the social outings of shows, plays, etc., but if I am to be honest with myself, it is the socializing with peers that I enjoy more. I would not give up brunch with the girls for anything and look forward to it months in advance.
But, I now enjoy the outside and the casual side of being outside. There is nothing better than saddling up and riding on the back of my favorite gelding, “Mr. T.”
I too believe that I have evolved, but not to do more or have more, but to do those things that I want to do more. I once pictured myself dressing up heading here & there, but not anymore. If I can hang out with friends, family & especially my horses, I am good to go!
For me, “Me” time is when I do something without worrying how it will impact anyone else. For example, practicing guitar while the family is home, I worry about whether I’m disturbing anyone. But when I’m alone, I don’t worry about that, and that makes it “Me” time. The challenge I struggle with is having “Me” time while the kids are around, or in the presence of other people.