As I mentioned in a previous post, I am always eavesdropping in public places. As a writer, this is one of the methods we study dialogue so that the characters in our stories are unique in their speech. So, you can only imagine some of the interesting unlikely conversations that I overhear.
One Monday morning at my “day job”, I overheard a conversation between two men about their weekend activities. I love listening to discussions between men because, as a female writing about relationships, it is difficult to write from the male point of view. It is even better when they think no one is listening like on this day when there was a cubicle wall between them and me.
One of the guys had the normal “guy” weekend and there was nothing noteworthy for me. However, the other guy’s weekend was very interesting and humorous. He mentioned that he had gone out on a first date with someone he met at the home of another friend. He said that the date was going okay until the young woman started asking him all types of questions. When asked what type of questions by his workmate, he replied, “Well, it felt like I was on a job interview.” Now, this guy was from London, so just imagine hearing the exasperation in that statement with his accent. I burst out laughing. I could not help it.
Of course, they heard me and stopped talking. I stood up and apologized explaining that I could not help but overhear the conversation. I told him his date was ensuring that he was not a waste of her time. He was puzzled so I told him a few things that cleared it up for him. He was amazed that I guessed his date was established in her career and nearing the age of 30. I explained to Mr. London that his date was on the “hubby track”.
The pressure “to marry” for some women can sometimes become a toxic situation. This pressure can come from family, friends and definitely from the fact that there are more females in the population than males. Therefore, some women are destined to remain single. There are some women who do not want to be counted in that number and Mr. London’s date was one of those women. Also, the horrible truth is that some women judge other women not by their individual successes, not by their contribution to society but by the fact of their marital status. This is the ultimate pressure – how you are viewed by your peers.
In my own family, I have a relative who had a different fiancée at every family gathering attended to the point I was getting them mixed-up! It was as if she had a wedding photo ready with a silhouette for a husband and any man available could replace that silhouette. Needless to say, I was worried for her and I am still worried for her. She has now been married multiple times and even now is unhappy in her current marriage. I want to tell her it is okay to be single and that is okay just to get off the “hubby track”.
Now, I am a woman who believes in love and marriage. I also believe that a woman should take the necessary time to look for the signs of a keeper (as stated in my earlier post of the same name) during the course of interacting with a prospective mate. In time, you will know if he is the one for YOU. However, if you are “hubby job interviewing” dates and/or mentally marrying every man you date, you need to take a break from the “hubby track” and investigate your chief motivating force. It is my belief that you will find you are acting out of some fear – which is the wrong reason to be on the “hubby track”.
QUESTIONS:
Do you think that some women judge other women by their marital status?
Have you ever known someone that could have possibly been on the “hubby track”? If so, can you share their outcome?
I do think women are judged by others depending on their martial status. Hence, I think so many women think they need a man “to complete” them because they buy into the ideology. My hope, as I am raising two daughters, is that we can construct lives and foster independence in our girls so they understand that a relationship is a partnership of two wholes who compliment but do not consume each other. I also think girls must be encouraged to know themselves, have their own morals, ideals, opinions, possessions, bank accounts, educations, experiences. Until we as a culture do this, instead of saying our girls are going off to college to find a good husband, we are continuing to grease the rails on which the hubby track runs.
I completely agree. All women should encourage the young girls in their families to focus on developing independently before joining in a marriage. We should encourage them when they go off to college to focus on that Bachelors/Masters/PhD degree instead of the MRS degree.