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Show ME the LOVE ! – The Essential Relational Elements

February 9, 2016 By Elaine Gray

One of the matters that women tend to share with one another is their relational experiences with their mates.    In my circle of girlfriends and acquaintances, everyone seems to be content, but I must admit there are a couple of friends that warrant my concern.   Usually, I present myself as a sounding board only because I believe that each of us has a unique relational journey and my response to a situation may not be appropriate for another.    We all have our tolerance thresholds and ( since mine is low) I believe we should not impose them on others.

When someone decides to discuss their personal relationship with me I listen to the situation and inquire about the emotional health of my friend in an attempt to encourage her to take care of her health.    However, there have been a few situations where more probing questions were required because my belief system was challenged.    I concluded that some of us are ignoring obvious negative signs and entering into relationships/marriages when we should have sprinted through the nearest exit door away from that relationship.

Therefore, for this month where LOVE is the focus, I want to talk about the elements that should be present in a relationship BEFORE you take it into the commitment arena.    There are essential elements that should be present just because you are human beings and then there are others that develop as you take the appropriate time to relate to one another.       Here is my list:

HUMAN BASICS

Humility
Respect
Kindness
Thoughtfulness

RELATIONAL BASICS

Trust
Faithfulness
Adoration
Passion (Sexuality + Sensuality + Intimacy)
Humor

In my opinion, all of these elements should be present and non-negotiable before you start commingling your resources (time, assets, emotions, etc.).   However, I will confess that I am totally happy living alone and I have been told by some friends that they cannot live alone.    So, if you do compromise and accept a shorter list of these elements, just please don’t fool yourself into thinking he will CHANGE into what you want later because that “shiggity” never happens.

So, over the course of this month, I am going to write my opinion about each one of the elements of my “show me the love” list and, hopefully, it will help others in developing a kinder love relationship.

 

QUESTION(s):

What do you think about my list?    Would you add or delete any element?

 

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Filed Under: Love, Relationships Tagged With: Love, Relationship Advice, Valentine's Day

Best Things in Life #16 – Sharing Excitement

January 20, 2016 By Elaine Gray

Excited WomanSometimes we can speak our thoughts into existence.   Some years ago, when my life was very lackluster and routine, I told one of my sistergirlfriends that I needed more excitement in my life.   It seemed the words had just popped out of my mouth when excitement became my new best experience.   I soon discovered that the most excitement occurs when it is shared with a good friend.

One of my most memorable exciting experiences occurred in Atlanta, GA.   I had just changed careers from Accounting to Information Technology.    This was at a time when there were very few women, especially women of color, in this field.    I was attending my first industry conference. The first thing I learned upon my arrival was there were plenty of men in this field and they all did NOT look like nerds.

At the opening session, I literally bumped into another woman of color as we both were coming out of the auditorium doors.   We quickly bonded, learned a lot in our respective conference sessions, and enjoyed our free time meeting new colleagues – especially the male colleagues.   All of this mingling led to what became our memorable exciting experience.

Normally, at these conferences, there was always an elaborate closing session with star-quality entertainment.     We were excited because we heard The Temptations would be performing.   So, one morning, I was walking in the hotel hallway heading to my first session when I saw this guy step out of his room and started walking toward me.   He was staring at me so hard that it made me a little uncomfortable and I think it showed on my face.   He noticed and apologized.  He  stated that he had been touring in Japan and it was just nice to be back home around the sisters.    He then explained that he was part of the band (guitar player) for The Temptations.   I rushed to tell my new best girlfriend that it was confirmed that the Temptations were in the hotel.

Later, during that same day, we got on the elevator and there was one of the strongest men I had ever seen.   He was in a small group of other men.   One of them introduced himself and told us he was over security for The Temptations.   He confirmed to us they were performing that night and suggested that we get as close to the stage as possible.    So, we did.

We had the closing session speech, the dinner, and then it was time for the entertainment.    The Temptations came on stage and we were right up front singing right along with them.    Then, suddenly, one of the Temptations announced they wanted someone from the audience to come up on stage and sing with them.    The huge bodyguard came right over to us and reached out his hand.   I stepped back because I was too chicken to attempt to sing with them.   My new best girlfriend reached out her hand and grabbed the bodyguard’s arm.   He lifted her as if she was a feather onto the stage.     The music started and she sung “My Girl” with The Temptations!   She was FABULOUS!

I was so excited and tried to take as many pictures as I could.  Of course, this was pre-digital so we did not know until later that I had chopped off a few heads on a couple of pictures.   Overall, it was SO exciting and my new best girlfriend told me it was a dream come true for her.    Needless to say, we have been sistergirlfriends for a couple of decades now and we still get excited when we reminisce on this memorable moment in our lives.

 

QUESTION(S):

Have you experienced and shared an exciting moment with a friend?

If so, please share.

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Filed Under: Best Things In Life, Friendship Tagged With: Atlanta, GA, The Temptations

GRETA GRYPP – Report #8

January 1, 2016 By Elaine Gray

SuperChgWomanIt is the last day and last hour of 2015.   This is my last report for 2015.    The good news I gave Greta is that I weigh less than I did last year at this time.    The bad news is I have been in RELAPSE for almost 3 months now.    Greta is steadfast and “un-hooking” all of my weak excuses.

My slide into relapse started with the plateau I hit and could not overcome because I was unable to exercise.   It became easy to revert back to old bad habits.   It was when I was in Austin for the Texas Book Festival and consuming (without guilt) a slice of the 30th Anniversary Chocolate Cake Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory that I accepted I was in full relapse.   However, that did not stop me.   I continued through Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with all the parties in between in the same mode.   Now, it is all coming to an end and it is time to do something about this relapse.

I read somewhere or some smart health professional once told me that the reason a person relapse is because they fail to learn something during the recovery phase.    When I ponder on this I think what I fail to learn is that one should realize that relapse periods will occur which means one needs to have a plan to get out of relapse mode as soon as possible.

A good analogy that everyone can relate to is driving a car.    We all prepare for having a flat tire.   We carry a spare tire in our trunks with equipment to help us jack up the car to change the tire.    So, when we have a flat, we don’t get out of the car and shoot out the remaining tires.    We change to the spare tire and repair the flat tire.     This is how we should handle relapse periods in our eating management plans.   We should enjoy the “relapse” meal and get immediately back on track with the next meal.

In this relapse period for me, I not only “shot out all of my tires” but I took all the wheels off and put my car up on blocks!    It is truly wonderful that I did not gain all of the weight back.   Now, this week, I have started preparations to move out of relapse mode.  I am drinking 100 ounces of water daily, my refrigerator/pantry is cleaned out, and my doctor has approved cardio workouts every other day for now.

So, tonight, I have decided to put relapse and the guilty feelings away.  Tomorrow is a new day, a new year, and a new start.

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Filed Under: Greta Grypp, Health and Fitness Tagged With: eating management, Greta Grypp, Health

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2015 By Elaine Gray

Christmas Card

 

Wishing You and Yours LOVE, PEACE and JOY!

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Filed Under: Holiday Season, Uncategorized Tagged With: Merry Christmas

Why I Am Thankful

November 25, 2015 By Elaine Gray

thanksgiving-day_10065493-031914

 

 

 

 

 

I am thankful because I am a multi-level being.

As a spiritual being, I am thankful because God has given me His grace and mercy.   With all humility, I am thankful to Him for giving me what I do not deserve and for not giving me what I do deserve.

As a relational being, I am thankful because I can share love with my family and friends.    The laughter with friends, the caring I see in the eyes of the children of my body, and the embrace from my feisty 81-year old mother is what inspires gratitude in my heart.

As a creative being, I am thankful because I am gifted with the ability to enlighten and empower others with the expression of my voice through the written word.

As a human being, I am thankful because the journey of my life in this time, in this place, in this society, allows me opportunities to contribute to the cultural history of my people.

I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

QUESTION(S)

What are you thankful for?

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

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Filed Under: Holiday Season Tagged With: Giving Thanks, Gratitude, Thanksgiving Day

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