GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Show ME the LOVE ! – The Essential Relational Elements

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One of the matters that women tend to share with one another is their relational experiences with their mates.    In my circle of girlfriends and acquaintances, everyone seems to be content, but I must admit there are a couple of friends that warrant my concern.   Usually, I present myself as a sounding board only because I believe that each of us has a unique relational journey and my response to a situation may not be appropriate for another.    We all have our tolerance thresholds and ( since mine is low) I believe we should not impose them on others.

When someone decides to discuss their personal relationship with me I listen to the situation and inquire about the emotional health of my friend in an attempt to encourage her to take care of her health.    However, there have been a few situations where more probing questions were required because my belief system was challenged.    I concluded that some of us are ignoring obvious negative signs and entering into relationships/marriages when we should have sprinted through the nearest exit door away from that relationship.

Therefore, for this month where LOVE is the focus, I want to talk about the elements that should be present in a relationship BEFORE you take it into the commitment arena.    There are essential elements that should be present just because you are human beings and then there are others that develop as you take the appropriate time to relate to one another.       Here is my list:

HUMAN BASICS

Humility
Respect
Kindness
Thoughtfulness

RELATIONAL BASICS

Trust
Faithfulness
Adoration
Passion (Sexuality + Sensuality + Intimacy)
Humor

In my opinion, all of these elements should be present and non-negotiable before you start commingling your resources (time, assets, emotions, etc.).   However, I will confess that I am totally happy living alone and I have been told by some friends that they cannot live alone.    So, if you do compromise and accept a shorter list of these elements, just please don’t fool yourself into thinking he will CHANGE into what you want later because that “shiggity” never happens.

So, over the course of this month, I am going to write my opinion about each one of the elements of my “show me the love” list and, hopefully, it will help others in developing a kinder love relationship.

 

QUESTION(s):

What do you think about my list?    Would you add or delete any element?

 

Reflections on National Ex-Spouse Day

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Upset Unhappy 3d Character Showing Disagreement Between CoupleThis week I learned about a new holiday – National Ex-Spouse Day – which is celebrated on April 14th.    The purpose of this day is to encourage positivity between ex-spouses to move past anger and resentment.    I think this is a good idea especially for those divorced parents that must find a way to cooperate with one another for the sake of the children.

Then I thought about those persons who still want to be with their ex-spouses.  I know there are numerous situations where one spouse did not want the divorce.  My inquisitive mind wonders about the particulars of such relationships and the reason the couple could not put the effort in to working it out.   However, I’ve never been married so perhaps it is beyond my understanding.

What I do know is that I have personally met two men who I definitely know had not “let go” of their first wives.   Both of them were co-workers and they both had pictures of their first wives in prominent places in their work space while they lived at home with their second wives.

One of them had only been married 5 months when I met him and I thought the picture on his desk was of his newlywed bride.   He promptly informed me she was his first wife of 20+ years, he still paid her mortgage, he did her yearly tax return, and he boasted about still having a key to her home.    He even stated he knew she was still in love with him.  I asked him the reason for the divorce and he told me she did not want to relocate to Houston when it was required of him for his career.   So, he divorced her and moved on to a new wife.    Then one weekend he returned to his hometown and tried to use that key.   The lock had been changed.   He was so outdone he came to work and actually told us about it.   I had a real good belly laugh that day.

The other co-worker told me about his first wife and I swear there was love in his eyes.   They had met in college and were from two different cultures.    They had a son.   The cultural differences are what broke them up.   He told me that he did not know where they were now.    Then he pulled open his desk drawer and showed me a picture of her that was tucked away.   However, there was no picture of his current wife and their two children anywhere in the vicinity of his desk.    I felt a little sadness for his situation.

So, what do persons who don’t have anger and resentment but a lingering love do on National Ex-Spouse Day?     I wonder.

QUESTION(S)

What do you think about National Ex-Spouse Day?

Ode to Elena – A Self Portrait

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My thoughts tonight could not stay on the subject I wanted to blog about as I was deep into my past.    Memories flooded my mind so I wrote it out.  I decided to share it here.

Ode to Elena

Elena was born from the passion of a touch, from the depth of a look, from the whisper of a name.

In an instant, Elena lived and embraced all of the emotions that filled her in that moment.

Elena existed in spurts of time filled with love and loving, laughter and smiles, touches and caresses.

Elena was moved by the music that filled her air, the wine that wet her lips, and the dance that swayed her hips.

Elena was the dark-skinned sun worshipper who straddled her lover on crisp white sheets beneath the moonlight that guided them.

Elena was the one whose hand he held to his chest to feel the tempo of his heartbeats.

Elena lived and loved, loved and lived, so much, too much, grabbing, holding, reaching, wondering, yearning, and waiting …for the next time.

Then one time the next time ended.

And Elena died – just as she was born – in an instant.

 

Love Poem #11 – “My Loves” by Langston Hughes

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heart box

 

 

 

 

I love to see the big white moon,

A shining in the sky;

I love to see the little stars,

When the shadow clouds go by.

 

I love the rain drops falling,

On my roof-top in the night;

I love the soft wind’s sighing,

Before the dawn’s gray light.

 

I love the deepness of the blue,

In my Lord’s heaven above;

But better than all these things I think,

I love my lady love.

 

Comment:

The beautiful imagery of this poem speaks to the deep feelings of a great love.

We should all be so lucky.

 

QUESTION(S)

What do you think about the imagery in this poem?

Love Poem #10 – “The Ring” by Langston Hughes

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heart box

 

 

 

 

Love is the master of the ring
And life a circus tent.
What is this silly song you sing?
Love is the master of the ring.

I am afraid!
Afraid of Love
And of Love’s bitter whip!
Afraid,
Afraid of Love
And Love’s sharp, stinging whip.

What is this silly song you sing?
Love is the master of the ring.

 

Comment:

The fear of loving and losing gives the emotion dominion over your psyche.   However, is it fear or love that is the ruler?

QUESTION(S):

Do you have any fears about the emotion of LOVE?