GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Coming Apart

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The divorce rate in the United States is 45.8 percent.   This means that 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce.   With this statistic, we can safely speculate that there is also a high turnover in couple relationships prior to marriage.   So, what is happening?    What prevent couples from staying together?

There is a premise that some relationships are destined to come apart.   This premise suggests that couples come together for a common need/goal but some individuals may have a personal need/goal that they are trying to satisfy.  

This personal need/goal can be a conscious one or even a subconscious one and usually is not communicated to the other individual in the relationship.  When that personal need/goal is met, sometimes that individual decides to move on to another personal need/goal which may compromise the current relationship.

Is this done in a deliberate and considerate manner?   What do you think?   

Sometimes the person that wants out of the current relationship starts to act out – consciously or subconsciously – to sabotage the relationship.    Getting involved with others and leaving clues to be discovered or purposely exceeding the boundaries of the relationship are the common methods.   Some persons cannot or will not express that they just want “out”.   They do stupid things to wound and humiliate the other party creating lifelong resentments. 

 Most of us just do not believe that a relationship can be ended gracefully.

It would be easier if we fully understand why and how we choose our specific mates.  It would be easier if we all could be totally honest with one another about the reasons why we want a relationship with the other person.   We probably would find that many of these reasons would be more practical and realistic than idealistic and there would probably be fewer marriages.   But, I bet those that did get married would probably stay together fulfilling their commitment.

There is a wonderful book on this subject that I read over 10 years ago and plan to re-visit again.   Even though I am not in a current relationship, I believe this book is a good pre-requisite to beginning a relationship.   The title is “Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours” by Daphne Rose Kingma.

Check it out.   You may find it enlightening.

Question(s):

  1.  Do you know of any relationship that truly ended gracefully?   If so, please share.
  2. Would you be offended if a person told you that they wanted to marry you for a practical reason (i.e., I think we could build a good life together) instead of professing an “undying” love for you?

Let’s Get It On – (But Not Too Soon!)

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It’s the first date and it went FABULOUS!    He has a body like Adonis, a face like Narcissus and all the gentlemanly manners your mother told you to look for in a man.    You’re feeling beautiful, confident, and relaxed when he walks you to your door.   You invite him inside for a nightcap.    He comes in and you share the first kiss.   The situation heats up, it has been more than 6 months since you have been intimate and you realize that you are in the arms of Adonis himself!     What should a red-blooded, fully grown woman do?

 If you want a serious relationship with him, send him home.

          I know that advice sounds antiquated and prudish but believe me when I tell you that he wants you to send him home.    He will “try” you (test you) to see what you will do so he can determine your actions when you meet other men.   Based on your response, he will decide whether you are a keeper or a temporary fling.

          How do I know?   I asked a few male friends/co-workers and they told me.   Also, I witnessed some incidents with male friends and relatives.  Once I was out at a Latin restaurant/dance club with a girlfriend and two male friends.   We all were in a salsa dance class together and decided to go out and practice at a “live” club.   We had a great time dancing together and watching the other dancers.   My girlfriend and I decided to leave so the guys were walking us to the valet booth to wait with us for our car.   When we stood up from the table, a very attractive young woman rushed up to one of our male friends and said “I hope you are not leaving now!”  

          “Sam” (not his real name) was a little taken aback but he told her that he was only walking us to get our car and that he would return.    As he walked us out, I asked him did he know her.  He told us no that he had never seen her before but he was definitely going back inside to look for her because she was “hot”.   We laughed together and departed. 

          About a week later, I called Sam and asked him what happened that night.   He told me the young lady followed him to his home and spent the night.   I asked him if he was going to see her again.    His answer was an emphatic “No”.  I asked him for the reason and he told me that she was too desperate and too “easy” with someone she had just met.   Even though he had slept with her he was disappointed that she had responded the way she did.

          One of those sayings from the women of yesterday is “Leave something to the man’s imagination”.    They believed you should do this in your choice of clothing and in the manner you carried yourself in his company.   I think this advice is still valid today.

 If you still doubt me, just think of the words of some of the love songs from some of the greatest male singers (who I believe are singing for all men):

  In “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye, Marvin says “Giving yourself to me can never be wrong if the love is true.”   It doesn’t sound like he just met her.

 In “Living for the Love of You” by the Isley Brothers, the very first line says it all “Drifting on a memory, ain’t no place I’d rather be than with you”.   You can’t have a memory of a person you just met.

 In “Just My Imagination” by the Temptations, they sing about a man who spends all of his time daydreaming about a beautiful life with a woman he sees everyday but who is unaware of his feelings………yet he is longing to “know” her.

So, ladies, if you are being held by Adonis and need to say “No” gracefully, use a statement that I had to think of in the heat of the moment but it came straight from my heart………”When we make love, I want us to really know one another.”    If he is a keeper, he will wait patiently and adoringly until you are ready.

So, meanwhile, wait and get it on when the time is truly right!

 QUESTION(S):

  Do you think my advice is antiquated?   If so, explain.

Do you think sex and intimacy are the same?

Do you think intimacy is possible on the first date?