The divorce rate in the United States is 45.8 percent. This means that 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. With this statistic, we can safely speculate that there is also a high turnover in couple relationships prior to marriage. So, what is happening? What prevent couples from staying together?
There is a premise that some relationships are destined to come apart. This premise suggests that couples come together for a common need/goal but some individuals may have a personal need/goal that they are trying to satisfy.
This personal need/goal can be a conscious one or even a subconscious one and usually is not communicated to the other individual in the relationship. When that personal need/goal is met, sometimes that individual decides to move on to another personal need/goal which may compromise the current relationship.
Is this done in a deliberate and considerate manner? What do you think?
Sometimes the person that wants out of the current relationship starts to act out – consciously or subconsciously – to sabotage the relationship. Getting involved with others and leaving clues to be discovered or purposely exceeding the boundaries of the relationship are the common methods. Some persons cannot or will not express that they just want “out”. They do stupid things to wound and humiliate the other party creating lifelong resentments.
Most of us just do not believe that a relationship can be ended gracefully.
It would be easier if we fully understand why and how we choose our specific mates. It would be easier if we all could be totally honest with one another about the reasons why we want a relationship with the other person. We probably would find that many of these reasons would be more practical and realistic than idealistic and there would probably be fewer marriages. But, I bet those that did get married would probably stay together fulfilling their commitment.
There is a wonderful book on this subject that I read over 10 years ago and plan to re-visit again. Even though I am not in a current relationship, I believe this book is a good pre-requisite to beginning a relationship. The title is “Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours” by Daphne Rose Kingma.
Check it out. You may find it enlightening.
- Do you know of any relationship that truly ended gracefully? If so, please share.
- Would you be offended if a person told you that they wanted to marry you for a practical reason (i.e., I think we could build a good life together) instead of professing an “undying” love for you?