GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

“What Love Ain’t” – Your Queendom

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Imagine.

You have an all-expenses-paid business trip for one week in beautiful San Francisco.   You decide to splurge and treat your Boo with an airline ticket to fly out and join you.   He adjusts his schedule and joins you.   It starts out wonderfully.   By mid-week, you decide to skip out on the afternoon conference sessions for some shopping.   You swing by the hotel to grab your Boo, but he tells you to go on without him because he wants to relax and continue to watch ESPN.   What do you do?

  1. Give him a peck on the cheek as you head out shopping hopefully with his credit card in your purse.
  2. Take off your pantyhose and watch ESPN with him.
  3. Throw a tantrum, throw him out of the hotel room, and inform him to find his way home since you bought his airline ticket.

I know someone who was in the drama of #3.  True story.

Let’s be honest.  Some of us would rather dictate to than relate to another person.  We have a fantasy in our mind about the relationship, and the other person is just a character in that fiction.

The attitude is “this is my world – Queendom –, and you’re just in it.”

Some of you may find a man that will agree with you – probably for his personal reasons.  However, most of you will find someone who will eventually say “to hell with you” and go on his merry way.     As they say, even the most faithful dog will leave if you kick him long enough.  Then your relation-breaking cycle starts all over again.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being in your Queendom as long as you’re okay with it.   Being alone and having an occasional visitor is comfortable for some.  But, if you want a long-term, lasting relationship you got to let down the drawbridge and relate.

Now for those who may have difficulty identifying controlling behaviors within, here are a few signs to look for within yourself.

  1. You are impossible to please and can’t avoid complaining. You can find fault with “manna from heaven.”
  2. Without your input, nothing is done right.
  3. You are not interested in another’s point of view.
  4. You cannot tolerate criticism.
  5. You find flaws in the independent decisions of others and don’t mind telling them about it.
  6. You are envious of those who are smarter than you or can perform better than you.
  7. You are reluctant to trust the judgment and capabilities of others.

Controlling behavior will murder any relationship especially a romantic one.   The most important thing each of us as human beings – women – should accept is the only person you can really control is Y-O-U.

“What Love Ain’t” – Relational Pitfalls

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Remember that song from the movie Urban Cowboy with a young, sexy, John Travolta?  It was called “Looking for Love” sung by Johnny Lee.   I remember one of the verses said, “Looking for love in all the wrong places” which really was an eye opener for some.   It inspired some of us to stop hanging out in the nightclubs looking for Mr. Goodbar and refining our search for Mr. Right in a more meaningful manner.

Well, I want to talk about another pitfall to relationships.  If it were a song, it would be called “Looking for Love with all the Wrong Behaviors.”

Before we can begin to relate to and with another person, some of us need to do some work.  Some of us need to look internally at what is happening which makes us act out externally in relationships.   So, since this is the month for L-O-V-E, I want to spend some time sharing about “what love ain’t” and how we are sometimes the catalyst that creates our relational pitfalls.

So, pick your favorite chocolate from the box, grab a glass of scrumptious bubbly and drop by for an informative visit throughout the month.

Jealousy – The Green-Eyed Monster of Self-Destruction

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These past couple of weeks in Houston we watched the drama unfold as Dr. Ana Gonzalez-Agulo faced justice for poisoning her lover, Dr. George Blumenschein, by putting anti-freeze in his coffee.   Both are prestigious cancer doctors at M.D. Anderson Hospital which is renowned for the treatment of cancer.   It seems that Dr. Gonzalez-Agulo could not bear the thought of Dr. Blumenschein plans to have a child with his longtime girlfriend, Dr. Evette Toney.

What is baffling is that Dr. Gonzalez-Agile entered into this relationship with Dr. Blumenschein knowing he had a longtime, live-in girlfriend.   She knew her position in his life and I imagined he was so comfortable that he may have been callous in discussing his relational life with the longtime girlfriend with her.    He probably thought that behavior was acceptable since she had full knowledge of his primary relationship.  So, what happened to make her throw her whole career and life away?   What made her decide to destroy another person’s health in attempt to destroy his life?    Why didn’t she just walk away?

Jealousy.

Merriam-Webster defines jealousy as “an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has.”

I call it the green-eyed monster that consumes  your reason when you realize you cannot control another human being.

Some of us (women) are so emotionally fractured that we cannot imagine life without a man – even a piece of a man.   We know that Dr. Gonzalez-Agulo is a brilliant woman to reach the pinnacle of her career and to work at M.D. Anderson hospital helping so many women with breast cancer.   However, because of this destructive emotion and her actions in the midst of it, Dr. Gonzalez-Agulo has been found guilty of aggravated assault and will serve 10 years in a Texas prison.

What a waste.

http://www.click2houston.com/news/doctor-found-guilty-of-poisoning-exlover-sentenced-to-10-years/28313270

QUESTION(S):

Have you ever experienced the green-eyed monster named Jealousy?

Do you have any advice on combating this self-destructive emotion?