GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

“What Love Ain’t” – Your Queendom

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Imagine.

You have an all-expenses-paid business trip for one week in beautiful San Francisco.   You decide to splurge and treat your Boo with an airline ticket to fly out and join you.   He adjusts his schedule and joins you.   It starts out wonderfully.   By mid-week, you decide to skip out on the afternoon conference sessions for some shopping.   You swing by the hotel to grab your Boo, but he tells you to go on without him because he wants to relax and continue to watch ESPN.   What do you do?

  1. Give him a peck on the cheek as you head out shopping hopefully with his credit card in your purse.
  2. Take off your pantyhose and watch ESPN with him.
  3. Throw a tantrum, throw him out of the hotel room, and inform him to find his way home since you bought his airline ticket.

I know someone who was in the drama of #3.  True story.

Let’s be honest.  Some of us would rather dictate to than relate to another person.  We have a fantasy in our mind about the relationship, and the other person is just a character in that fiction.

The attitude is “this is my world – Queendom –, and you’re just in it.”

Some of you may find a man that will agree with you – probably for his personal reasons.  However, most of you will find someone who will eventually say “to hell with you” and go on his merry way.     As they say, even the most faithful dog will leave if you kick him long enough.  Then your relation-breaking cycle starts all over again.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being in your Queendom as long as you’re okay with it.   Being alone and having an occasional visitor is comfortable for some.  But, if you want a long-term, lasting relationship you got to let down the drawbridge and relate.

Now for those who may have difficulty identifying controlling behaviors within, here are a few signs to look for within yourself.

  1. You are impossible to please and can’t avoid complaining. You can find fault with “manna from heaven.”
  2. Without your input, nothing is done right.
  3. You are not interested in another’s point of view.
  4. You cannot tolerate criticism.
  5. You find flaws in the independent decisions of others and don’t mind telling them about it.
  6. You are envious of those who are smarter than you or can perform better than you.
  7. You are reluctant to trust the judgment and capabilities of others.

Controlling behavior will murder any relationship especially a romantic one.   The most important thing each of us as human beings – women – should accept is the only person you can really control is Y-O-U.

“What Love Ain’t” – Relational Pitfalls

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Remember that song from the movie Urban Cowboy with a young, sexy, John Travolta?  It was called “Looking for Love” sung by Johnny Lee.   I remember one of the verses said, “Looking for love in all the wrong places” which really was an eye opener for some.   It inspired some of us to stop hanging out in the nightclubs looking for Mr. Goodbar and refining our search for Mr. Right in a more meaningful manner.

Well, I want to talk about another pitfall to relationships.  If it were a song, it would be called “Looking for Love with all the Wrong Behaviors.”

Before we can begin to relate to and with another person, some of us need to do some work.  Some of us need to look internally at what is happening which makes us act out externally in relationships.   So, since this is the month for L-O-V-E, I want to spend some time sharing about “what love ain’t” and how we are sometimes the catalyst that creates our relational pitfalls.

So, pick your favorite chocolate from the box, grab a glass of scrumptious bubbly and drop by for an informative visit throughout the month.

Love Story Starter #2

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Here is the story starter sentence:

The line on her ring finger betrayed her and she feared he would leave. He smiled and slid onto the stool next to her.

Here is LOVE STORY STARTER #2

The line on her ring finger betrayed her, and she feared he would leave. He smiled and slid onto the stool next to her.  Delilah was a little surprised, but perhaps she should not have been.  It was the age of the 50% divorce rate, and the ring finger line was now just as normal as apple pie.  Everyone said being divorced was no longer a label to feel disgraced about so she was determined to find a way to not feel like such a failure.   Ready, willing, and liberated. Tonight may be the first attempt in that direction.

Delilah glanced at his left hand and noticed there was a ring. She was surprised again because she knew he had no reason to wear it anymore.   Even though this night was about her and the pursuit of her desires, she paused for a moment to consider if she had made a wise choice in traveling down memory lane.

“You came,”  Delilah said.  She made direct eye contact with him.

“Yeah, I had to,”  Wilt said.

He looked around the bar and motioned to the bartender. The bartender came over and Wilt ordered a scotch.   He turned to her again with that half-smile that had captured Delilah’s heart more than ten years ago.

“It’s been a while,”  Wilt said.

“Yes, a very long while,” Delilah said.

“So, how have you been?”  He asked.

“Better.  Now.   You?”

Delilah watched as Wilt glanced down at his ring finger before he answered.

“Life had been good up until last year.”   He said.

“I know,”  Delilah said.  “I heard about Beverly.”

Delilah watched as Wilt twisted his band around his ring finger.

“Yeah, it was rough,”   Wilt said.

“It didn’t have to be,”   Delilah said.   She reached over and covered his hands.

The bartender arrived with Wilt’s scotch.   Delilah picked up her Long Island Iced Tea and proposed a toast.

“Here’s to reunions,” she said.

They tapped their glasses together and sipped their own drinks. Wilt put his glass down on the bar and made direct eye contact with Delilah.

“So, tell me, Delilah, why am I here?”  Wilt asked.

Delilah picked up her drink again and drained it.   She motioned to the bartender to bring her another one.

“Simple.  I want you. Again.”  Delilah said.

She reached into her purse, grabbed her room key, and slid it next to his drink on the bar.

Wilt looked at the key and picked up his drink.

“Really?” he asked.  “After what happened between us?”

Delilah laughed as she took the drink the bartender offered.

“Because of what happened between us.”

“Yeah.” Wilt replied as he pushed the room key back towards Delilah.  “That was something.”