GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Show Me the LOVE ! – Respect

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T. We all remember how Aretha Franklin impressed those letters in our minds with her timeless song. Otis Redding, another great singer, also performed this song. I guess we can consider both songs the female and male version of that which is imperative to any relationship.

Respect is understanding that someone is important and treated in an appropriate way with a high and extraordinary regard. It is not enough to simply say “I respect you” to your mate. Your actions should be demonstrative of this understanding.

You should have an expectation that every interaction with your mate, including disagreements, will be tempered with respect. You should also have a defined consequence for any situation where you are disrespected, and it should be non-negotiable.

If you witness a date being disrespectful to others, then you should actively give consideration in continuing to date this person.

QUESTION(s):

Do you have a defined consequence for disrespectful situations?

Show Me the LOVE! – Humility

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Humility, regarding humbleness and deference, is one of the most important traits required to be able to relate to another human being.

Humbleness is the understanding that no one person is better than or lesser than another person and it allows one to have the capacity to love. If you are looking “down” on someone or looking “up” to someone, how can you truly see them and how can you truly know yourself? We tend to value others by external factors and chaos occurs when those elements fade or change. Invest your emotions in someone who values internal growth because that type of growth is usually lasting.

I knew a very confident young woman once who made a mistake in her life which caused depression for her. She lost her confidence and thought of herself as damaged (“less than”). Someone she trusted stepped right in and convinced her that he could “save” her from her plight. However, previously, he had secretly desired her confident self but felt unworthy and rejected. When he saw her depressed state, it was his opportunity to step on her to make himself feel “better than” in the relationship. This behavior was emotional abuse, and it soon turned into physical violence.

Deference is the belief that there is something greater than you and it allows one to be able to give for love. If you value the air you breathe, the sun and moon that lights your way, and your beating heart, then you do realize that there is a supreme being that has given you these things because of love. Seek the person that shares this same deference because they will know how to give those heartfelt intangibles to the relationship.

However, if you meet someone who credits all of his being and accomplishments to his merit, RUN!

QUESTION(s):

There are some who equate humility with weakness – especially in a man.

What do you think?

Ode to Elena – A Self Portrait

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My thoughts tonight could not stay on the subject I wanted to blog about as I was deep into my past.    Memories flooded my mind so I wrote it out.  I decided to share it here.

Ode to Elena

Elena was born from the passion of a touch, from the depth of a look, from the whisper of a name.

In an instant, Elena lived and embraced all of the emotions that filled her in that moment.

Elena existed in spurts of time filled with love and loving, laughter and smiles, touches and caresses.

Elena was moved by the music that filled her air, the wine that wet her lips, and the dance that swayed her hips.

Elena was the dark-skinned sun worshipper who straddled her lover on crisp white sheets beneath the moonlight that guided them.

Elena was the one whose hand he held to his chest to feel the tempo of his heartbeats.

Elena lived and loved, loved and lived, so much, too much, grabbing, holding, reaching, wondering, yearning, and waiting …for the next time.

Then one time the next time ended.

And Elena died – just as she was born – in an instant.

 

Love Poem #5 – “A Wooing” by Langston Hughes

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heart box

 

 

 

I will bring you big things:
Colors of dawn-morning,
Beauty of rose leaves,
And a flaming love.

But you say
Those are not big things,
That only money counts.

Well,
Then I will bring you money.
But do not ask me
For the beauty of rose leaves,
Nor the colors of dawn-morning,
Nor a flaming love.

 

Comment:

I think the lover is saying here that my love is priceless and I am willing to give it to you.   However, you choose material things and I can give those things, too.

But don’t ever ask for the best of me.

I guess there would be some who would consider this a bargain.

QUESTION(S):

Do you think “relational bargains” really occur?

He’s JUST a Man

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_DSC1998-EditRecently, I was asked for advice from a beautiful twenty-something young woman who is helping me to rediscover fitness in my life.    She needed some dating advice and I was flattered that she thought I could offer some helpful information to her.  After all, it has been awhile since I was twenty-something.

This young woman had recently reconnected with a male friend that she had worked with in the past.   He surprised her by confessing his feelings were more than friendship and asked if she would come and visit him as he lived in another city.   She was excited but apprehensive about this and asked my thoughts.

The first thing I did was to ask her about her feelings regarding his revelation and requests.   Her answers were very mature for her age.   She explained that she liked this young man and wanted to get to know him better “in a more-than-a-friendship way”.   However, she was concerned about going to his city and wanted to take things slow.  She wondered how to convey this to him.

I told her to tell him to come to her city (her “turf”)  for a visit and to tell him her boundaries.   She was amazed at my advice.   She asked, “Are you sure I can tell him my boundaries?   Is that okay?”    I laughed and told her it is perfectly fine for her to tell him her boundaries.   I asked her why she thought it would not be okay.   Her reply was, “Because he’s a man!”    I laughed and told her, “Yes, that’s right – he’s JUST a man”.     Her eyes lit up and she smiled.   I knew she understood.

It is important for young women (and some old ones, too) to understand that it is okay to have standards and boundaries for your relational life.    There was a time that women were considered “the prize” and she set the tone of the relationship.   Somehow that has gotten turned around and some of us are living a chameleon life.  We give a lot of energy trying to be a pleaser because we don’t want to be alone. Don’t lower your standards.   When you start contemplating them remind yourself….. “He’s JUST a man”.

QUESTION(S): What do you think about having dating standards?