GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Down in the Valley – The Valley So Low

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Life has ups and downs – peaks and valleys. It is really like a rollercoaster ride – slow ascents and fast descents. Sometimes the descent is so fast that we hit the valley experience of life and get stuck there. This stagnate place is aptly named depression.

Let us be honest. We all have landed in that valley-so-low at some point. It really does not matter how we got there as it is a part of the human experience. But what does matter is how long we stayed there. A long stay can result in a serious emotional illness.

It is important for us, especially as women, to identify when we are having emotional distress that is leading to depression. Sometimes the symptoms can be subtle and manifest into strange behaviors.

Symptoms of depression in women include:
• persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
• loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
• restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
• sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening
• appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• decreased energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
• thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

It is rumored that healthcare professionals have on the average about 7 minutes to spend with a patient. So, the knee-jerk response to addressing depression, especially in women, is to prescribe anti-depressants. Also, in some cases, middle-aged women with menopausal symptoms have been prescribed anti-depressants instead of hormone replacement therapy.

It is reported that 1 in 3 women have used anti-depressants at some time in their life and that 46 percent of women currently using them have done so for at least five years. It is truly an epidemic.

Plus, the anti-depressants have side effects that can possibly exacerbate the situation. Have you ever really listened to the television advertisements for anti-depressants? The list of the side-effects is twice as long as the description of the benefits!

Of course, there are valid medical (hormonal levels) and psychological reasons (childhood trauma, family predisposition, etc.) for depression but there are also some opinions that many forms of depression are normal and natural – serving an evolutionary purpose as an adaptive response to pain and affliction.

This school of thought indicates that taking anti-depressants can prohibit the mind and body from working through a needed struggle. It is also suggested that one of the best antidotes for depression is a strong, non-judgmental support system.

In other words, you need a strong, caring, trustworthy girlfriend with good listening skills.

This recommendation resonated with me as this has been my approach through those “valley” moments in my life and I have sought to be that type of friend to my girlfriends when I detected they were having “valley” moments.

Here are some other natural methods to combat depression:

• Eat a balanced diet, avoiding foods with high sugar content.
• Take a good multivitamin-mineral combination, including omega-3’s (EPA and DHA).
• Make sure you get adequate Vitamin D, preferably from the natural sunlight.
• Get at least 8 hours of sleep each night.
• Exercise 4–6 times a week for 30–60 minutes, preferably outdoors.
• Avoid alcohol.
• Try drug-free relaxation methods such as transcendental meditation or yoga.

A really good tip is to use this “valley” opportunity to take a view into what is going on in your life and how you are feeling about it. Usually, you will find there are valid reasons for the depression. This realization can prompt you to actively seek the appropriate help and start that “ascent” out of the valley.

Remember, there is a reason the ascent on life’s rollercoaster is slower than the descent. We have a lot to evaluate and retain as we rise up.

QUESTIONS:

Have you ever used anti-depressants for depression? If so, please share your experience.

Have you ever had a girlfriend that really helped you out of a “valley” moment in your life? If so, please share your experience.

Would you rather take anti-depressants instead of hormone replacement therapy for menopausal symptoms?

Do you believe that some forms of depression is normal and natural in the human experience?

To Thine Ownself Be True

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To Thine Ownself Be True

When I was a young adult I attended many of those hell and brimstone sermons at the church my family (and extended family) attended.   Normally, I would allow my attention to drift during the course of the preacher’s dramatic performance but something the he said that day really stuck with me.   I have often referred back to it during the course of my life passage.  The minister stated to us “When the world seems all wrong and you are the only one that is right, look in the mirror…… because there IS your problem”.   

WOW!   This was something I could actually take home and apply to my life.  Thus began my ritual of periodic self-evaluation.   

When negativity enters my life, as it does for all beings, I stand in the mirror and ask myself the question “How, When, What, Why did I contribute?”   And, when I (finally) reach the core of those questions there is usually some action or non-action that occurred.

I must admit looking within is a very tough thing to do.  It is so easy to blame others and whine about our helplessness.   But in that midnight hour, when you are all alone and sleepless from a painful situation, it is hard to lie to yourself.    Face it.    Move forward.

 This trip “within” every once in a while is a necessary thing for personal growth.   You must be prepared for not liking the behavior of the person in the mirror.    However, you must hold on to the belief that awareness is the first step in changing behavior and can lead to a path of making amends………with yourself and with others.

Questions:

  1. Do you feel self-evaluation is necessary for personal growth?
  2. Do you have a ritual of periodic self-evaluation?

New Year’s Resolutions – Setup for Failure

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I confess.   I was one of those persons that started thinking about my New Year’s resolutions on Thanksgiving Day, prepared and gathered resources the day after Christmas, implemented on New Year’s Day, and failed before Valentine’s Day.    

The sad thing is I was continually failing at the same resolutions!   

For this year – 2010 – I revamped my strategy.   I started my preparation in July by seeking professional help on what was “blocking” me from completing my goals, especially my writing goals.   The revelations were astounding and very helpful.   I attended classes in the areas where I felt weakest to aide my understanding of the requirements to be a success.   I actually started working toward my goals long before the new year and implemented some changes that are habits for me now as the new year greets me.

Basically, I plan my work and work my plan, which includes weekly goals and reassessing every week.  

Instead of New Year’s Resolutions I now have New Week Resolutions.   They are smaller, manageable and attainable.   It feels great to mark my weekly status COMPLETED at the end of each week.   That one word prompts me to continue.

So, for those who need a little help on those New Year’s Resolutions, here are a couple of websites to help out.

http://www.ehow.com/how_5800702_keep-new-year_s-resolve.html

www.webmd.com/balance/features/new-years-resolutions-in-one-year-out-other

www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/New_Years_Resolutions.shtml

QUESTIONS:

Have you made any resolutions for the new year?

Are any of them failed resolutions from previous years?

If so, why do you think you continue to fail at them?

Do you feel pressured to make and keep New Year’s resolutions?

Me, Myself, and I – Discovering ME Time

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I wish I could say that I was savvy and cool from birth and it was inherent within me to know and understand the value of ME time.   But the reality is I was the same as all other women “who do too much” – – – always putting myself last.   This was what I saw all the familial women do in my life and it was just natural to continue on with the same behavior.

My “skirt was pulled” in an unexpected manner and at a low period in my life journey.  I had lost my father in a car accident and my teenager was rebelling, so we started family counseling.  In one of the sessions, the therapist asked me to list the things I did each week.   So, I told her.   She then asked me to repeat it.  I repeated it.   Then she leaned forward from her chair and looked me straight in my eyes and said “Mother, get a life”.   She told me nothing on my list was anything that I did for myself.  It was all about my son or others.   She then asked me about my personal relationship and I told her about the man I had been dating for umpteen years.  She told me to get rid of him.

I was mad.   No, really, I was infuriated.   How dare she talk to me like that?   I called my best girlfriend and started the conversation with “Can you believe……”  But, a few nights later, in that midnight hour when you can’t lie to yourself, I faced the truth – I had absolutely no life.    I got out of bed that next morning, looked in the mirror and I had a moment like the evil Queen in Snow White.   I looked myself in the eyes and I asked “Mirror, mirror on the wall – Who am I?”   The mirror had no answer for me.

This was the beginning of my looking within myself and experiencing ME time.   On that day, I sat down and made a list of all of the things I loved and dreamed about before the realities of life grabbed me.  I started with one item on that list and it was a catalyst for all of the adventures that have enhanced my life journey to this point.    I have evolved into many women since the day I spoke to my mirror and each one has pushed me to become the next one in the evolution.   And, yes, one of them DID end that “nowhere” relationship.

Of course, my best girlfriend wasn’t going to let me start that list alone.   She joined me in attending theatrical events in our area.   Soon, other girlfriends joined us and we added a monthly Sunday Brunch to the mix.    We have also traveled together over the years and had some wonderful adventures.  This was the birth of our “girlfriend gatherings”.  Over the years, all of the girlfriends have learned the value of ME time.    

Just in case you have not determined my definition of the acronym ME – it is My Evolution.

 

Questions:

Do you spend any ME time with yourself?

If so, in what manner?  

What importance do you give it in your life?

How have you evolved?