GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

The Hubby Track

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1038415_HiResAs I mentioned in a previous post, I am always eavesdropping in public places.   As a writer, this is one of the methods we study dialogue so that the characters in our stories are unique in their speech.   So, you can only imagine some of the interesting unlikely conversations that I overhear.

One Monday morning at my “day job”, I overheard a conversation between two men about their weekend activities.   I love listening to discussions between men because, as a female writing about relationships, it is difficult to write from the male point of view.   It is even better when they think no one is listening like on this day when there was a cubicle wall between them and me.

One of the guys had the normal “guy” weekend and there was nothing noteworthy for me.   However, the other guy’s weekend was very interesting and humorous.    He mentioned that he had gone out on a first date with someone he met at the home of another friend.    He said that the date was going okay until the young woman started asking him all types of questions.   When asked what type of questions by his workmate, he replied, “Well, it felt like I was on a job interview.”   Now, this guy was from London, so just imagine hearing the exasperation in that statement with his accent.   I burst out laughing.  I could not help it.

Of course, they heard me and stopped talking.   I stood up and apologized explaining that I could not help but overhear the conversation.   I told him his date was ensuring that he was not a waste of her time.   He was puzzled so I told him a few things that cleared it up for him.  He was amazed that I guessed his date was established in her career and nearing the age of 30.   I explained to Mr. London that his date was on the “hubby track”.

The pressure “to marry” for some women can sometimes become a toxic situation.   This pressure can come from family, friends and definitely from the fact that there are more females in the population than males.   Therefore, some women are destined to remain single.  There are some women who do not want to be counted in that number and Mr. London’s date was one of those women.   Also, the horrible truth is that some women judge other women not by their individual successes, not by their contribution to society but by the fact of their marital status.   This is the ultimate pressure – how you are viewed by your peers.

In my own family, I have a relative who had a different fiancée at every family gathering attended to the point I was getting them mixed-up!   It was as if she had a wedding photo ready with a silhouette for a husband and any man available could replace that silhouette.   Needless to say, I was worried for her and I am still worried for her.   She has now been married multiple times and even now is unhappy in her current marriage.  I want to tell her it is okay to be single and that is okay just to get off the “hubby track”.

Now, I am a woman who believes in love and marriage.   I also believe that a woman should take the necessary time to look for the signs of a keeper (as stated in my earlier post of the same name) during the course of interacting with a prospective mate.  In time, you will know if he is the one for YOU.  However, if you are “hubby job interviewing” dates and/or mentally marrying every man you date, you need to take a break from the “hubby track” and investigate your chief motivating force.   It is my belief that you will find you are acting out of some fear – which is the wrong reason to be on the “hubby track”.

QUESTIONS:

Do you think that some women judge other women by their marital status?

Have you ever known someone that could have possibly been on the “hubby track”?  If so, can you share their outcome?

NaBloPoMo #19 – The Accomplishment I Am Most Proud Of Is………

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NaBloPoMo November 2013Women Having Coffee

I have been blessed to accomplish some wonderful things in my life in which the latest is taking an idea, shaping it into a story and writing my first draft of that story.   However, the accomplishment I am “most” proud of is graduating from college.  I am proud of this feat because it was a dream I almost had to give up.

I had always planned to attend college at UCLA and made sure that I met all of the college entrance requirements.  However, in the summer between my junior and senior year in high school, I made a mistake.   All it took was being “home alone”, a bottle of ill-gotten wine, and the Isley Brothers’ “Hello, It’s Me” on the record player.  I became pregnant at the age of sixteen.   I did not marry and became a single teenage mother three months before high-school graduation….. but I did make it to the prom and marched down the aisle to get my diploma.

So, now I had made a life-altering decision.  All I wanted was to be a good mother and to go on to college.   I turned eighteen 3 months after high school graduation and 1 month later I had a full-time office clerical job.   The fall semester after my son turned two years old (and was potty trained), I started college at UH.   With the help of my parents and my extended family, I parented my son, worked 40 hrs/week, and attended college.    I took a minimum of 12 hours a semester, attended every summer session, and gave up all social activities.  It took me 5 years instead of 4 but I made it through to graduation and acquired the one thing that can never be taken away from me……….an education.

Sometimes I look back on that experience and I am amazed at how I did it.  It was so HARD but I was SO focused.   I think if I had stopped and just thought about the magnitude of what I was doing I probably would have labeled it as “impossible” and gave up.  But I did not stop and I did not give up.

And, this is why it is the accomplishment that I am most proud of.

NaBloPoMo #10 – Morning Person or Night Owl? I Am A…….

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NaBloPoMo November 2013Women Having Coffee

When I hear the sounds of birds chirping and see the dawning day creeping around the edge of the blinds in my bedroom all I want to do is snuggle down in my bed and get a couple more hours of sleep.   That early morning sleep is the best kind but the reality is I have an 8am – 5pm day job.

I have all kinds of alarm clock schemes to wake up early to go to the day job.   I set the clock 1 hour ahead so when it does alarm at 6am I breathe a sigh of relief because I know it is really 5am when I hit the snooze button.   Then I play tag with the snooze button every 10 minutes until the clock reads 7:30am which is an acceptable hour to wake for my mental state even though I know the clock is 1 hour ahead and it is really 6:30am.    I play this game every week, Monday thru Friday.   These are not the actions of a morning person.

Now, in the early evening, I arrive home from the day job and have my dinner.   At this time, I enter into my “writing life” state of mind.  During the weekday evenings, I am working on my novel project, composing a blog post, reading my latest Writers’ Digest or The Writer magazine or continuing with an online monthly writing class.   Writing is my passion and the “work I love” so it gives me a burst of energy whenever I am engaged in it.   Therefore, I am usually working on my writing projects until after midnight and on the weekends I can stay up until 2am – 3am.   Since I don’t have to wake early on the weekends, I can sleep until my body is ready to wake up.   There is no need to play the alarm clock game.    So, I am a person who revels and produce in the nighttime hours – – – definitely the actions of a night owl.

NaBloPoMo #5– If I Had to Change My First Name, I Would Choose…….

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NaBloPoMo November 2013Women Having Coffee

If I was mandated to change my first name, I would rebel.    I would rise up and use all the power I could muster to retain my first name of Elaine.     You see I love my given names – Elaine Rouchelle.     I fell in love with my name as a child when my mother told me how my name was chosen.    My mother told me she allowed my beautiful Aunt Rae who lived in far away (when you have to drive across Texas to get there it’s far away!), mysterious California  to choose my name.   Over the years, when Aunt Rae would come to visit us she would always tell me how the beautiful name she gave me was fitting for the beautiful girl I was growing up to be.

Throughout my life I have not met very many women with the first name of Elaine.   Usually it is the second name.   I like this – having a common name that is sort of uncommon as a first name.   I love the meaning of my name – which is “Light”.     Here is a poem about my name and I think it is accurate for me.

You’re quick to solve puzzles

Without hints or clues

And shed light on situations

Known to confuse.

The inner glow you have

Because of your name

Makes your life a lighthearted,

Whimsical game.

You’ll always know happiness,

Love and delight,

For you follow a lifelong path

Cheerful and bright.

Also, last but not least, the greatest love of my life was Latino and the way he said my name makes it a keeper.    So, I am Elaine and Elaine is me.

NaBloPoMo #4– The One Thing I Wish I Could Change About Me Is…….

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NaBloPoMo November 2013Women Having Coffee
I am a person that performs an annual self-evaluation usually around my birthday.   Normally, I review my “things-to-improve” list from the year before and attempt to give myself an objective status.    I must admit that there are some items that have remained on that list.    When I consider why these items remain I can relate them to one personality trait that is persistent in my life and the root cause.   The one thing I wish I could change.  I am a perfectionist.

This trait has positive and negative aspects.   The positive aspects of a high level of persistence and meticulous attention to detail have allowed me to overcome insurmountable obstacles in my life and obtain skills that make it possible to enjoy the life that I have now.     However, the negative aspects of procrastination, self-deprecation, and the “all-or-nothing” attitude are also a part of my life when I cannot reach one of my goals.   This behavior manifest into the symptoms of writer’s block, unhealthy eating habits, and sedentary lifestyle which causes a vicious cycle that is hard to stop.

At the worst case, perfectionism can cause anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and low self-esteem.

It has taken me years to understand the personality trait within me and accept that I cannot change it.   However, since I am cognizant, I am proactive about self-monitoring and avoiding negative thinking.   I am improving on my eating habits, increasing my physical activity, and using transcendental meditation techniques to maintain a balanced productive lifestyle.