GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLFRIEND GATHERINGS

Learning from YOU to empower ME !

Over Here in Overwhelm

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There is an old saying that goes something like “What won’t kill you will make you strong.”  It is true.    However, what they don’t tell you is you have to go to a place and through a process to get to that strength.   It AIN’T easy.   You can’t skip over it.   You will need an arsenal of spiritual and emotional tools to help you because it will bring you to your knees.   I call this place OVERWHELM.

Overwhelm is a place I rediscovered when the flood waters of Hurricane Harvey breached my home on 8/28/17 and rose to 6-feet destroying everything I owned.    Overwhelm is a place I was forced to settle into when my dearly loved cousin-sistergirlfriend in Dallas died suddenly on 12/11/18, and I became the executor of her estate.   Overwhelm is the place that challenges me to determine should I give in to despair or lace up for the good fight to overcome these temporary obstacles.

I’ve been told, “Girl, you are holding up great.”   I’ve been told, “Girl, I don’t know how you are dealing with all of this.”    I can tell you that out of survival necessity I’ve formulated a coping strategy.  This strategy consists of two actions – recognition and formulation.   I recognize when I am struggling, and I formulate an immediate action plan to work through it.

Here are some symptoms one can experience in the land of Overwhelm:

  • Anxiety
  • Sleeplessness
  • Emotional eating
  • Lack of appetite
  • Lack of Focus
  • Intolerance for others
  • Numbness in spirit and emotions
  • Physical Response
    • Hair Loss
    • Rashes / Hives
    • Dehydration
    • Nausea

Some of these symptoms may be temporary, but some can come and remain with you.   The most important thing you can do is give attention to yourself and what you are feeling.

Here are my recommendations to combat these symptoms:

  • Exercise – try to move daily, a 30-minute walk is all you need if you don’t exercise regularly.
  • Keep a routine – even if partially because you will have additional tasks for a short period.
  • Express your feelings – talk to your “sounding boards” (friends, family, etc.) but no whining and self-pity parties.
  • Compartmentalize tasks so you can move forward. It is better to move forward even if it is at a slower pace.    Try to plan only 1-2 weeks out.
  • Make lists and don’t feel guilty about it. Utilize simple tools – like the NOTES application on your smartphone – so you don’t add to your feelings of overwhelm by trying to learn a new app.
  • Prepare to do some emotional eating because some of us will do it. Find healthy snacks and food to “crunch” out the anger and “smooth” the sadness.
  • Know your limits and express them. Just say “NO” and, if necessary, “H*LL, NO!”
  • Take a break / a change of scenery to step away from the overwhelming tasks for a bit. It will help you rejuvenate and regroup so you can continue onward.

I’ve chosen the good fight.   I’ve been down on my knees praying.   There is no timetable, and I’ve accepted I’m going to be here for a bit.   I’ve decided to progress onward to acquire that strength on the other side because I have faith it is there waiting for me.

 

Slow Your “Roll”

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Recently, I went out to lunch with a friend and coworker.   When I got into her car, there were four wigs in it.  One on her head and three lying in a pile on the front passenger seat.  My friend quickly grabbed the wigs and tossed them on the backseat.   I got in the car and looked at her.  I guess my look said it all because before I could speak my thoughts, she told me, “Girl, I know.”  It was clear it was time for some self-evaluation.

I asked her what the heck was going on in her life that she was riding around with wigs in the front seat of her car.   She told me how busy her life had been in recent months and how she would choose a hairdo to put on while driving to the office.   All I could say was “Girl, slow your roll.”

Now, for those who may not understand that statement, “roll” or “rolling” is an informal description (slang) that describes the movement of a person through their daily tasks, chores, etc.  My SisterGirlfriends and I use this term all of the time.   When we say to each other “slow your roll”, it is sufficient to gently admonish one another to stop and take care of ourselves.

There are times when life gets busy, and then there are times when a person is flat out overwhelmed.

   Here are some indicators that you’ve been zombified:

  1. You are dressing in your car while driving to your destination.
  2. You are warned and choose to skip car maintenance tasks until your vehicle stops working.
  3. You are eating out daily because you don’t have time to compile a grocery list and shop for food to stock your kitchen.
  4. You are losing your purse, keys, glasses, wallet…something…every other day.
  5. You are not managing your communication channels (voicemail box is full, don’t check email for weeks, missed calls).
  6. You arrive home and realize you should be at another destination.
  7. You are overly involved in managing other “grown folks” business instead of your own.
  8. You schedule vacation, but you take your laptop so you can log in to work/office.

Now, you may have to plan a few days of downtime just to regroup so you can think about slowing down but it will be worth it.   Once you get rested up, here are some tips to kick off and get you on the right track.

Tips for “Slowing Your Roll”

  1. Get organized. Make use of your smartphone with the apps to help you with making notes, tracking tasks, and keeping schedules/calendars.
  2. Plan your errand route, so you are not driving all over the city. If you have to go to the brick and mortar locations for shopping, banking, laundry cleaners, etc., use the locations close to your office so you can manage it on a lunch break or en route to/from the office.
  3. Spread errands out during the week and strive to keep weekends free for downtime or pleasurable activities.
  4. Acknowledge you can’t do everything yourself and delegate or pay for housework/lawn care.
  5. When you schedule downtime, stick with it. Plan something fun to do or just relax at a spa.  You need to place yourself first in your schedule because no one else will.
  6. Take a periodic vacation at least for one week a year. Stepping away from your daily life and doing something entirely different is very refreshing.
  7. Learn to say NO to anything that will drain your time and personal energy. Engage in the lives of others appropriately but not to your detriment.

The most important fact to remember is that TIME is the most valuable and irreplaceable resource…not money.   Spend some money to slow your roll and free up your life, so you will have TIME to enjoy it.

Letting Go for the New Year

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Evening SeaIt is the last day of the year.   The New Year starts on tomorrow.       December 31st is a good day to look back on the past year and “let go” of those internal and external things that will prevent you from productively moving forward in the New Year.   A “letting go” ritual is a good way to start implementing change in your life.

A “letting go” ritual can be as easy as making a list and physically destroying it or using your imagination to create an entire “letting go” scenario.    One scenario I employ is to imagine I am standing on a small cliff over a beach watching the rolling waves.   Riding on each wave is something or someone that I am letting go.   I like this scenario because it is not destructive……it is not “labeling” the thing I am letting go…… it is just simply carrying it away to another shore.

For some of us, letting go is difficult – especially when there is another person involved.   However, it can be a cleansing and healing experience.   It can be a peaceful ritual that can truly foster personal growth.     Consider it as another positive way to bring in the New Year.   Try it.

QUESTION(S):

How do you celebrate the end of one year and the start of the New Year?

NaBloPoMo #4– The One Thing I Wish I Could Change About Me Is…….

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NaBloPoMo November 2013Women Having Coffee
I am a person that performs an annual self-evaluation usually around my birthday.   Normally, I review my “things-to-improve” list from the year before and attempt to give myself an objective status.    I must admit that there are some items that have remained on that list.    When I consider why these items remain I can relate them to one personality trait that is persistent in my life and the root cause.   The one thing I wish I could change.  I am a perfectionist.

This trait has positive and negative aspects.   The positive aspects of a high level of persistence and meticulous attention to detail have allowed me to overcome insurmountable obstacles in my life and obtain skills that make it possible to enjoy the life that I have now.     However, the negative aspects of procrastination, self-deprecation, and the “all-or-nothing” attitude are also a part of my life when I cannot reach one of my goals.   This behavior manifest into the symptoms of writer’s block, unhealthy eating habits, and sedentary lifestyle which causes a vicious cycle that is hard to stop.

At the worst case, perfectionism can cause anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and low self-esteem.

It has taken me years to understand the personality trait within me and accept that I cannot change it.   However, since I am cognizant, I am proactive about self-monitoring and avoiding negative thinking.   I am improving on my eating habits, increasing my physical activity, and using transcendental meditation techniques to maintain a balanced productive lifestyle.